dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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