I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
