Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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