I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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