I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
