I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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