tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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