Where is the hickey?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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