When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
that's an acceptable place to lick
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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