He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just blew my weed a kiss
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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