im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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