I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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