GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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