How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
