Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
