I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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