Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
