Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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