You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
