My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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