Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
