I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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