Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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