he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
