This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
