Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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