WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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