Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize