She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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