It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
