Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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