i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize