My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
