i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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