i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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