I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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