My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He has the fingertips of a God
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
