dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
