Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
