She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
