I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
