I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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