3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
