if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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