My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
