He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
