If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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