i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
