I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
