your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Terrible idea I love it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
