I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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