my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
