the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
