The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you mean i was at the winter classic?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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