Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
