what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
