Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
