I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
