didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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