Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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