every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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