I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
