Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
