Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
