and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
