ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
