I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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